FLIRT!!!

I was just talking to a friend the other day and somehow we ended up getting on the topic of flirtation/infidelity [as there is more of a causative vs. correlative relationship between the two]. Most of the conversations we have are one conversation broken into about a thousand mini topics that just seem to burst out of each other like phantasmagorical fireworks where one goes up bright and colorful and just as those embers descend and seem to fade out another bursts out of what seemed like it was over. I think it might be safe to say that we both have attention deficit disorder, but haven’t had it diagnosed and therefore have not been medicated. The reason we wouldn’t get medicated is because we are well aware of the medication of “deviance”, which debatably ADD as well as ADHD are not, and the role the pharmaceutical industry is playing in keeping the masses drugged up while the corporations have their way with us. Sort of like that sleezy guy at the bar who slips one of those date rape drugs into the drink he offered to buy you not necessarily so he can take advantage of you, but more so to score a little cash so his boy can approach you in your more relaxed mind state, hit it off with you and somehow you wake up in the back of an alley with a broken bra strap, missing your bank card and drivers license with absolutely no recollection of what happened. Nine months later you’re delivering a baby you know were it not for being scared $h!+L355 to NOT have because of conservative pro-life commercials and wondering how all this happened. Tracking back you recall that night at the bar and join a counseling group where you meet more people like yourself and realize you are not alone. Talking about, “see what had happened was...” A group moment of clarity happens and now you all are marching down some busy street in New York with many other self-proclaimed feminists half naked to prove a point. One you seem to have missed altogether.

But I digress....

On flirtation, don’t we do it all? Sometimes we are actively and consciously doing it to achieve whatever personal agenda, whilst other times we might be falsely accused of it by a bystander or someone who merely wishes to be on the receiving end of it. Those that are very good at it are usually those we would readily label as being confident. Most times people who look good are well within their rights to do it. Although, it is quite a spectacle to behold those that aren’t so easy on the eyes dive headfirst, almost blindly, into it. Flirtation is a lot of fun as even dipping my toes into it tickles me. It makes me more aware of my powers and sometimes I’m even surprised by my own strength. Weirdly enough though, it mostly makes me feel weird - perhaps an insecurity I need to deal with. But this is not about me....[anymore, until i decide it is again]

What I was saying to my friend is that too much flirtation to me is a sign of moderate to high levels of insecurity. Flirting to me is a reminder that I have a certain power and effect on people. My gender paired with a combination of intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical attributes doused down with a lot of wit give me a certain effect on people. I am well aware of these characteristics within myself even without some dude gushing over how both funny and smart, AND cute and sexy I am. I use my mirrors at home folks. When I flirt it’s really just a mere flexing of what I already know I am/have [mostly AM though]. When I actively pursue flirting it most times, the FEW times, to me, feels like I am just making a fool of myself. I haven’t quite figured out how to bat my regular length eyelashes no matter how much volumizing mascara I put on and, as I probably will not be wearing any falsies until my wedding day, might never learn. I wear my hair short most of the time and even when i have braids or a weave the pony tail is my style of choice. I therefore do not have loose strands that get windswept into my face and I can therefore tuck behind my ear seductively. As for the pout, not only are my lips incredibly thin, but flexing and protruding them feels altogether silly and awkward - especially going by the results other people in their pictures yield.

When it comes to flirting, if i could send my mind out there to do it’s thing, that would be easier, but my body language is that uncompromising friend who refuses to dress up when you know it’ll be easier to get into the ladies-free-before-9 joint if you all wore your freakum dresses. It can’t be bothered. Perhaps as confident as I am i am a little bit shy.

People who are constantly on the prowl and flirting to me are trying to reassure themselves through the validation that comes from that much attention from the opposite sex. They can never be satisfied with looking in the mirror and liking what they see, so they flirt and must always be the life of the party so to speak. Flirting with Tom, Dick and Harry, or with Jill, Jane and [insert name] reminds them that yes what they saw in the mirror after primping and priming for an hour minimum is in fact desirable. Otherwise without flirting they are walking around wondering if people do think they are hot and sexy and appreciating the results of their efforts.

As unappealing as too much of this is amongst singles, flirting is even more troubling (oh yes - “troubling”) when people are in a relationship. When a guy is in a relationship that people for the most part know he is in, although that is irrelevant, but still insists on being the resident casa nova I think it really shows his insecurity. This is worse when the girl absolutely adores him. The only reason a guy with a good girl flirts uncontrollably because there is something in the relationship that makes him wonder if he still has it and he feels an internal pressure to always prove that he is in deed still hot and quite a catch. Do all that when you are single I say.

Stop it. The best practice is to let people be impressed with you versus you bending over backwards to impress them because what might happen is you look dumb and come of very posy and pretentious.

That’s my piece for now. A.D.D. kicking in...



@afropolitaine :)