to a point, but to what end?!

i've been sick now for a little over a week and have a staaack of work to catch up on. the chronic procrastinator in me knows that with the order of bed rest from the doctor i can stretch not getting to the millions of chapters and gazillions of pages until Tuesday night. got in touch with my professors tho, n the exams that i would otherwise be tortuously thrust head on into when i get back i now can take a week later :D .....so i have a little more time.

In the meantime i have this empty feeling of homesickness and just feeling trapped. I don't necessarily want to go home, but i don't want to be here. im tired of the people around me, their ideas and simplicity. on the flipside the others are just pretentious to me and at a point i was subscribed to that lifestyle n didn't even realize it. The subscription is over tho....its fun to a point, but to what end?!

Because i'm neither entertained nor amused by what there is to do with my friends (or people my immediate surroundings have forced me into interacting with), i find myself staying home, sometimes tortured by boredom, and preferring it.

Twitter is my new best friend - kinda sad i know - because it's an outlet to express myself. just as much as say the way i dress....but i need somewhere to be inspired. The stagnance is killing me though.....They say still waters run deep, but they also are perfect breeding grounds for frogs and mosquitoes and that just leads to annoying sounds in the middle of the night and malaria, nile fever...[u get it]

Basically i need to find something that motivates me and jumpstarts me into activities that i can enjoy and remove me completely from this pond. ---> NEW FRIENDS p'raps?! IDK! That means i would have to come out of my shell and allow myself a certain vulnerability i've long outgrown. It helps me to filter the B.S. as my darling friend Chika would say. I decided a while ago that i'm not changing anymore (if i do i won't know it) - u either like it or u leave it alone. I don't like gossiping....sometimes its fun to hear, but it's really hard to be engaged wholeheartedly in discussing the juicy details or *gist of someone else's life - esp. if it's of no immediate consequence to anything i'm pursuing in my life. As much popular culture as i consume, i'm really just a bystander so talking about celebrities and beef between rappers etc. so that doesnt work. I've kinda been forced into being interested in it because we live in an age where the death of the fiance (RIP) of a "wife" on Real Housewives of Atlanta season 2 makes it to CNN. See the world i live in! In my pursuit of intellectual stimulation i get very irritable with people who pick up on my utter loathing of small talk and decide to overly philosophize and and everything - trying too hard. Really, just chill.

I have hope though, i'll just keep looking and hopefully somewhere in this cyber world i'll find something that connects me to something in my real world that gets me out of these doldrums.

.a bientot.